I have been very emotional this week. And tonight, while my sweet husband is away on a business trip, my emotions finally got the best of me. It was a wake-up call from God and fueled by overwhelming pregnancy hormones. It began with tears over a very petty turn of events, and fortunately ended with me heartbroken at my lack of faith in recent years and longing to be more like my "blogging" friends. I'm not going to go into detail about how the tears began, for they were foolish and disheartening after reading some of the REAL trials and needs of my friends and family. I will say though, that I have been reminded at how truly blessed I am and how grateful I am that our God and his loving Son do not give us or allow us what we truly deserve. He cares for us despite ourselves-as filthy in sin and sad in spirit as we can be and usually are-on a daily basis. He chose us and desparately desires our love and longing and full attention. Do we give him that? I know I don't...not as I should, and I certainly don't deserve the tremendous blessings He has allowed me and my family. My prayer tonight is that my heart has truly been broken and that my sins of busy-ness, frustration over mundane things & events, and trivial wants & desires be removed.
I pray that in their place will come:
- A deeper, more significant longing for God's Word and that I will take the time to actually sit still and read and pray and listen more regularly.
- A stronger desire for and the physical act(s) of helping others despite my own circumstances.
- And finally, that my most precious God will help me to become a better mother and teacher to my two precious boys and a more loving and compassionate wife to my dear husband (as well as a better daughter, daughter-in-law, sister and friend to all of those I love so dearly.)
Amen! (or in the sweet meaning for this word I learned so many years ago, "Let it be true!")
3 comments:
Yes, Amen. Our tough times reveal who we really are...which is to say how much we need a savior!! In the good times, we can think that we are pretty nice gals....but when God so mercifully shows us our own depravity...then we can truly grow into who He has meant us to be. Amen, indeed. I'm joyfully ringing the bells here in Colorado in anticipation of your new one!
Talley,
Don't be so hard on yourself. But yes, God does use our circumstances and crazy pregnancy emotions to draw us to Him. I am learning first hand how trails and circumstances never ever take God by surprise. I am learning to praise God even when I don't understand why things are happening the way they are. But I am so glad God has chosen me to refine. That just shows He has me right in the palm of His hand and is at work in my life. I would not want it any other way. I am praying for you. Keep us updated about sweet baby Noah. And I LOVE the name.
Thanks for your vulnerable post. I literally had what I would call a break down- if not a nervous break down- last week and could not stop crying. Our hormones, plus our bodies fighting against us (heartburn, fatigue, can't bend), make for a bad combination that can lead to self-pity. I totally understand where you are coming from. Good thing we have a Savior to rescue us from this mess!
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