Why is it so hard to feel like I fit in? Maybe because I don't and I'm not supposed to? I have been seeking an answer to this question since grade school, and just when I thought I finally had it all together it starts nagging at me again. I thought once I was married and had children and a beautiful house and family that I'm proud of, things would start to change. Guess what, they don't! None of that can fulfill the void, the longing, the need to be accepted.
My husband is a gem in a dirty, dusty world and my children bring me endless hours of unspeakable joy....but something still hurts and aches inside. Why do we care what others think of us? Why do I place so much importance in it? I'm trying so hard to do good and maintain a servant's heart, but I'm always second-guessing myself.
A friend recently told me, "You are to do all things for Christ. He's the one you're living for, not anyone but Him." Oh, how I need to remember that each day!
Now if I could just get the pesty little voice inside my head that tells me, "You're no good. Why did you say that? Someone is going to take it the wrong way. Why did you do 'it' (whatever 'it' maybe) that way? They're going to think you're crazy. You soooo don't fit in!" to go away, it might be easier to move forward and not question every word that comes out of my mouth on a given day. Of all the things I inherited from my dad, this constant self-doubt and internal working of the mind at all hours is something I'd gladly give back! It's allowed me to cry way too many tears and lose countless hours of sleep....sleep I desperately need!
If you need me today, I'll be working at remembering whose I am! (and comments are not necessary for this post...I'm sure I'll question having even put it out there as soon as it's posted!)
Remember Whose You Are
Posted: 09 Mar 2010 12:01 AM PST
In Jeremiah 2 God paints a picture of how his people loved him like a bride loves her groom, full of passion and complete in their devotion to him. But their hearts changed. In Jeremiah 2:13 God says that his people have forsaken him, the spring of Living Water, and have dug their own cisterns. They are looking for fulfillment in all the wrong places. You can hear the Father's grieved heart as he lays out their behavior before them and then ends with "How's that working for you?" My heart sinks as I see the areas in my life where I have chosen to find identity in my own cisterns, rather than drinking the Living Water. We too easily revert back to our own cisterns that can hold no water. Look at the cisterns in your life. What seemed like such a good source of legitimacy suddenly pales in comparison to true legitimacy found in God. That is why it is critical to meditate on the truths of who God is and who we are in Him until it sinks down deep into our spirit, soul, and body. John Calvin wrote in The Institutes Of The Christian Religion, "It now remains to pour into the heart itself what the mind has absorbed. For the Word of God is not received by faith if it fills the top of the brain, but when it takes root in the depth of the heart." Calvin is urging us to take deep drinks of the Living Water of who he is and what we have because of who he is: He is Jehovah-Jireh (provider). He is Jehovah-Rophe (healer). He is Jehovah-Shalom (peace). He is Jehovah-Nissi (banner). He is Jehovah-Rohi (shepherd). He is Jehovah-Tsidkenu (righteousness). He is Jehovah-Shammah (THE LORD IS THERE, Ezekiel 48:35) Stop and allow these truths to sink deep into your spirit. You may "know" these Scriptural facts, but now really receive their truth deeply in your spirit where your legitimacy, identity, significance, and birthright are defined by God. Remember whose you are... and who you are in him! You can comment on this devotional online at: |
I don't know your story and you don't know mine, but we share a common theme. We are driven by the search for true identity, a desire to be understood and appreciated for who we are. We have longing to seek out something more. Those are not evil desires. God gave us the desire to seek the essence of who he created us to be, so that he can fulfill it. He created the thirst so we can enjoy the Living Water. Unfortunately, we spend a lot of time and energy looking everywhere else but to him for that fulfillment.
1 comment:
great post Tally...I think many women including me struggle with this, and I appreciate your honesty.
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